You live in California when...
- You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
- The high school quarterback calls a time-out to answer his cell phone.
- The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
- You know how to eat an artichoke.
- You drive to your neighborhood block party.
- When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
You live in New York when...
- You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
- You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building.
- You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
- You think Central Park is "Nature."
- You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
- You've worn out a car horn.
- You think eye contact is an act of aggression.
You live in Alaska when...
- You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup and Tabasco.
- Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
- You have more than one recipe for moose.
- Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight
buttons.
- The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost
winter, and construction.
You live in the Deep South when...
- You get a movie and bait in the same store.
- "ya'll" is singular and "all ya'll" is plural.
- After five years you still hear, "You ain't from 'round
here, are ya?"
- "He needed killin' " is a valid defense.
- Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary
Sue, Betty Jean.
You live in Colorado when...
- You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
- You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home
and he stops at the day care center.
- A pass does not involve a football or dating.
- The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony
tail.
You live in the Midwest when...
- You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows
your name.
- Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a
tractor.
- You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
- You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
- When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you
say, "It was different!"
You live in Florida when...
- You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
- All purchases include a coupon of some kind--even houses
and cars.
- Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
- Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
- Cars in front of you are often driven by headless
people.
- There are only GIANT doctors in Florida (Every person's
doctor is "The Biggest" in his field)
You live in Iowa when...
- You've never met any celebrities
- Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on thehighway
- "Vacation" means driving through the Amanas or going to Adventureland
- You've seen all the biggest bands ten years after they were popular
- You measure distance in minutes
- Down south to you means Missouri
- You know several people who have hit a deer
- You have no problem spelling or pronouncing "Des Moines"
- You know the answer to the question "Is this Heaven?"
- Your school classes were cancelled because of cold
- Your school classes were cancelled because of heat
- You know what "Hawks" and "Clones" are
- You've ridden the school bus for an hour each way
- You've had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day
- You think ethanol makes your truck "run a lot better"
- You know what's knee-high by the Fourth of July
- Stores don't have bags, they have sacks
- You see people wear bib overalls at funerals
- You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it no matter what time of the year
- You end your sentences with an unnecessary exposition. Example: "Where's my coat at?"
- All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit or vegetable
- You can locate Iowa on the United States map
- Detassling was your first job
- Your idea of a really great tenderloin is when the meat is twice as big as the bun and accompanied only by ketchup and a dill pickle slice
- You learn your pickup will run without a muffler
- You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked
- When asked how your trip was to any foreign, exotic place, you say "It was different"
- Being a bit younger, you remember Terry Branstad as the governor the whole time you were growing up
- You consider being called a "Pork Queen" an honor
- People from other states love to hear you say "Iowa" and other words with "Os" in them
- You carry jumper cables in your car
- You drink "pop"
- You know what the numbers I-80, 280 and 380 mean
- You know what "cow chips" are
- You actually understand these statements and pass them on to all your Iowa friends
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