| Life Support USA |
After every flight, pilots complete a gripe sheet which tells the mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The following are actual logged complaints and problems, as submitted by QANTAS pilots, and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. P = The problem logged by pilots. S = The solution taken by mechanics. P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre. P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough. S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft. P: Something loose in cockpit. S: Something tightened in cockpit. P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back-order. P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level. P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what they're there for. P: IFF inoperative. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right. P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. P: Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with words. P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed. Bob Smith's Promotion Recommendation
Kindly re-read only the odd numbered lines. Punny Work History My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned...couldn't concentrate. Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the ax. After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it - mainly because it was a sew-sew job. Next I tried working in a muffler factory, but that was too exhausting . Then I tried to be a chef. I figured it would add a little spice to my life but I just didn't have the thyme. I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn't cut the mustard. My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn't noteworthy enough. I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn't have any patience. Next was a job in a shoe factory. I tried, but I just didn't fit in. I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income. I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining. So then I got a job in a workout center, but they said I wasn't fit for the job. I finally got a job as a historian, until I realized there was no future in it. My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.
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