| Life Support USA |
Intaxication - Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which last until you realize it was your money to start with. Reintarnation - Coming back to life as a hillbilly. Bozone (n.) - The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future. Foreploy - Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid. Cashtration (n.) - The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period. Giraffiti - Vandalism spray-painted very, very high. Sarchasm - The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it. Inoculatte - To take coffee intravenously when you are running late. Hipatitis - Terminal coolness. Osteopornosis - A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.) Karmageddon - It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, OK? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer. Decafalon (n.) - The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you. Glibido - All talk and no action. Dopeler Effect - The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly. Arachnoleptic fit (n.) - The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web. Beelzebug (n.) - Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out. Caterpallor (n.) - The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating. Equivalents you didn't learn in school Eskimo Pi = Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter. Won ton = 2000 pounds of Chinese soup. 1 microscope = 1 millionth of a mouthwash. 1 bananosecond = Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement. 1 billigram = Weight an evangelist carries with God. Knot-furlong = Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour. 1 lite year = 365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer because it's less filling. 1 Rod Serling = 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone. 1 semicolon = Half of a large intestine. 1 kilohurtz = 1000 aches and pains. 1 hoarsepower = Basic unit of laryngitis. A straight line = Shortest distance between two jokes (think about it for a moment). 1 pound cake = 453.6 graham crackers. 1 megaphone = 1 million microphones. 2 kilomockingbirds = 2000 mockingbirds. 1 decacards = 52 cards. 1 Fig Newton = 1 kilogram of falling figs. 1 literhosen = 1000 cubic centimeters of wet socks. 1 microfiche = 1 millionth of a fish. 1 decoration = 10 rations. 1 C-ration = 100 rations. 1 diagram = 2 monograms. 2 paradigms = 8 nickels.
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