| Life Support USA |
10 FUN things to do at Wal-Mart 1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when they aren't looking. 2. Set all the alarm clocks in housewares to go off at 5 minute intervals. 3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code 3 in housewares,'...and see what happens. 4. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M & M's on lay away. 5. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department. 6. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask 'Why can't you people just leave me alone? 7. While handling guns in the hunting department ask the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are. 8. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the theme from 'Mission Impossible'. 9. In the auto department practice your Madonna look using different size funnels. 10. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through say 'PICK ME! PICK ME!' Signs of the Times On a Septic Tank Truck sign: "We're #1 in the #2 business." Sign over a Gynecologist's Office: "Dr. Jones, at your cervix." On a Plumber's truck: "We repair what your husband fixed." Pizza Shop Slogan: "7 days without pizza makes one weak." At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee: "Invite us to your next blowout." On a Plastic Surgeon's Office door: "Hello. Can we pick your nose?" At a Towing company: "We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows." In a Nonsmoking Area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action." On a Maternity Room door: "Push. Push. Push." At an Optometrist's Office "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place." On a Taxidermist's window: "We really know our stuff." In a Podiatrist's office: "Time wounds all heels." On a Fence: "Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive." At a Car Dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment." Outside a Muffler Shop: "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming." In a Veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!" At the Electric Company: "We would be delighted if you send in your payment. However, if you don't, you will be." In a Restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed up." In the front yard of a Funeral Home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait." At a Propane Filling Station, "Tank heaven for little grills."
|
|