| Life Support USA |
MONA LISA'S MOTHER: "After all the money your father and I spent on braces, that's the biggest smile you can give us?" COLUMBUS' MOTHER: "I don't care what you've discovered, you still could have written!" MICHAELANGELO'S MOTHER: "Can't you paint on walls like other children? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that junk off the ceiling?" NAPOLEON'S MOTHER: "All right, if you aren't hiding your report card inside your jacket, take your hand out and show me." GEORGE WASHINGTON'S MOTHER: "The next time I catch you throwing money across the Potomac, you can kiss your allowance good-bye!" THOMAS EDISON'S MOTHER: "Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric light bulb. Now turn it off and get to bed!" PAUL REVERE'S MOTHER: "I don't care where you think you have to go, young man; midnight is past your curfew." MOSES' MOTHER: "That's a nice story. Now tell me where you've really been for the last forty years." ALBERT EINSTEIN'S MOTHER: "Can't you do something about your hair?" Only a Mother... Can listen to the same knock-knock joke 27 times without hollering "Nobody's Home." Will be a Scrabble partner with a kid who thinks "cookie" begins with "k." Will unwind 56 feet of toilet paper so her little darling Can have the empty roll...to make a Mother's Day present. Knows the location of every drive-through window in town. Knows the exact temperature a crayon will melt on the dashboard. Will try to hide a leafy green vegetable in a cookie. Knows the secret to happy grocery shopping with a toddler...visit the bakery aisle first and plug his lips with a big cream horn. Can cherish the 1,000th bleating of "Twinkle, Twinkle" from a budding violinist. Will show up at work wearing Mickey Mouse stickers on her posterior. Sees a Picasso in those scribbles decorating the fridge. Knows all the verses to "This Old Man." Can deal out emergency lunch money from the dryer lint filter. Can find her last good pair of panty hose hitching a wagon to a tricycle. Knows the sure-fire way to get three kids to eat carrots...buy two carrots. Is limber enough to wrestle a fitted sheet onto the top bunk bed. Invests fifty dollars in stale macaroons to help send the French Club to Disneyland. Will attempt to grow hydroponic tomatoes in one night for a last-minute science project. Can see across town and locate a missing shoe from her office desk phone. Can switch from cook to catcher in an instant. Has a bathtub that's filled with little yellow duckies. Seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie.
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