- If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be meetings.
- There is a very fine line between hobby and mental illness.
- People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
- And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.
- When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one
individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.
- Never lick a steak knife.
- Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
- You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
- You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
- There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
- The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age,
gender, insight, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
- The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.
- Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
- A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
- No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
- You should not confuse your career with your life.
- The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
- Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
- Your friends love you anyway.
- Thought for the day: Never be afraid to try something new.
Remember... Amateurs built the Ark, Professionals built the Titanic.
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