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How To Keep A Healthy Level of Insanity 1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair drier at passing cars. See if they slow down. 2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice. 3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that. 4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "in". 5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso. 6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors". 7. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy." 8. Dont use any punctuation marks okay good see ya 9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk. 10. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer. 11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go". 12. Sing along at the opera. 13. Go to a poetry recital and ask "Why don't the poems rhyme?". 14. Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day. 15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood. 16. Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard Kim. 17. When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won!, I won! 3rd time this week!!" 18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run for your lives, they're loose!!" 19. Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go." The Twelve Steps of Insanity 1. We admitted we were powerless over nothing- that we could manage our lives perfectly and those of anyone who would allow us. 2. Came to believe that there was no power greater than ourselves and the rest of the world was insane. 3. Made a decision to have our loved ones turn their will and their lives over to our care even though they couldn't understand us at all. 4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of everyone we know. 5. Admitted to the whole world the exact nature of everyone else's wrongs. 6. Were entirely ready to make others give us the respect we deserve. 7. Demanded others do our will because we were always enlightened. 8. Made a list of all persons who had harmed us and became willing to go to any lengths to get even with them all. 9. Get direct revenge on such people whenever possible except when to do so would cost us our lives or at the very least a jail sentence. 10. Continued to take the inventory of others and when they were wrong promptly and repeatedly told them about it. 11. Sought through complaining and medication to improve our relations with others as we could not understand them at all, asking only that they do things our way. 12. Having had a complete physical, emotional and spiritual breakdown as a result of these steps, we tried to blame it on others and to get sympathy and pity in all our affairs. Author unknown Mental Health Answering Service Here is a transcript of the new answering service which may have been recently installed at your local Mental Health Institute. "Hello, and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline. We are experiencing higher than normal call volume, please listen to the following menu so we can direct your call...
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