| Life Support USA |
Those Women Drivers! Driving to work this morning on the Interstate, I looked over to my left and noticed a woman in a brand new Mustang. She was doing about 70 miles per hour, and she had her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner! I looked away for a couple seconds, and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane, still working on that dang makeup!! It scared me so bad I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the donut out of my other hand. In all the confusion of trying to drive the car using my knees , my cell phone slipped from between my shoulder and ear, fell into the coffee cup between my legs, splashed my cat sleeping peacefully across the dash, and disconnected an important phone call! Those women drivers... Inside every older person is a younger person - wondering what the hell happened. -Cora Harvey Armstrong- The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy. -Helen Hayes- I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows. -Janette Barber- Whoever thought up the word "Mammogram"? Every time I hear it, I think I'm supposed to put my breast in an envelope and send it to someone. -Jan King- Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse. -Lily Tomlin- A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car. -Carrie Snow- Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends. -Laurie Kuslansky- My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being, hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint. -Erma Bombeck- Old age ain't no place for sissies. -Bette Davis- A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't. -Rhonda Hansome- The phrase "working mother" is redundant. -Jane Sellman- Every time I close the door on reality, it comes in through the windows. -Jennifer Unlimited- Whatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult. -Charlotte Whitton- Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart. -Caryn Leschen- I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once. -Jennifer Unlimited- If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning. -Catherine Aird- When I was young, I was put in a school for retarded kids for two years before they realized I actually had a hearing loss. And they called ME slow! -Kathy Buckley- You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. -Erica Jong- If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them. -Sue Grafton- I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on. -Roseanne Barr- I think---therefore I'm single. -Lizz Winstead- When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. -Elayne Boosler- Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. -Maryon Pearson- In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man--if you want anything done, ask a woman. -Margaret Thatcher- I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. -Gloria Steinem- I never married, because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late every night. -Marie Corelli- If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck? -Linda Ellerbee- I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house. -Zsa Zsa Gabor- Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission. -Eleanor Roosevelt- women drivers famous quotes women humor funny laugh lady ladies woman drivers girls gloria steinem erma bombeck margaret thatcher drivers head home jennifer phone smart working dumb good man morning person shopping
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