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Kids Bill Of Rights My son came home from school one day, with a smirk upon his face. He decided he was smart enough, to put me in my place. Guess what I learned in Civics Two, that's taught by Mr. Wright? It's all about the laws today, The "Children's Bill of Rights." It says I need not clean my room, don't have to cut my hair. No one can tell me what to think, or speak, or what to wear. I have freedom from religion, and regardless what you say, I don't have to bow my head, and I sure don't have to pray. I can wear earrings if I want, and pierce my tongue & nose. I can read & watch just what I like, get tattoos from head to toe. And if you ever spank me, I'll charge you with a crime. I'll back up all my charges, with the marks on my behind. Don't you ever touch me, my body's only for my use, not for your hugs and kisses, that's just more child abuse. Don't preach about your morals, like your Mama did to you. That's nothing more than mind control, And it's illegal too! Mom, I have these children's rights, so you can't influence me, Or I'll call Children's Services Division, better known as C.S.D. Of course my first instinct was To toss him out the door. But the chance to teach him a lesson made me think a little more. I mulled it over carefully, I couldn't let this go. A smile crept upon my face, he's messing with a pro. Next day I took him shopping at the local Goodwill Store. I told him, "Pick out all you want, there's shirts & pants galore. I've called and checked with C.S.D. who said they didn't care if I bought you K-Mart shoes instead of those Nike Airs. I've canceled that appointment to take your driver's test. The C.S.D. is unconcerned so I'll decide what's best. I said "No time to stop and eat, or pick up stuff to munch. And tomorrow you can start to learn to make your own sack lunch. Just save the raging appetite, and wait till dinner time. We're having liver and onions, a favorite dish of mine. He asked "Can I please rent a movie, to watch on my VCR? "Sorry, but I sold your TV, for new tires on my car. I also rented out your room, you'll take the couch instead. The C.S.D. requires just a roof over your head. Your clothing won't be trendy now, I'll choose what we eat. That allowance that you used to get, will buy me something neat. I'm selling off your jet ski, dirt-bike & roller blades. Check out the "Parents Bill of Rights," It's in effect today! Hey hot shot, are you crying, why are you on your knees? Are you asking God to help you out, instead of C.S.D..? To all people that have teenagers, or have already raised teenagers, or have children who will soon be teenagers, or those who will be parents someday... How Ironic 1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up. 2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children. 3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young. 4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said. 5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own. 6. We child proofed our homes, but they are still getting in. ADVICE FOR THE DAY: Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home. AND FINALLY: If you have a lot of tension and get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle... "TAKE TWO ASPIRIN" AND "KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN" Kids and Church 1. One Sunday a young child was acting up during church, the parents were losing the battle. Finally, the father picked him up and walked sternly up the aisle. On his way out, the child called out loudly, "Pray for me! Pray for me!" 2. One 4 year old was overheard praying, "And forgive us our trash baskets, as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets." 3. A little boy was overhead praying: "Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am." 4. A Sunday School teacher asked her class on their way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping." 5. 6 year old Angie and her younger brother Joel were sitting in church. Joel was giggling, singing, and talking out loud. Finally, Angie had enough, "You're not supposed to talk in church." "Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked. Angie pointed to the back of the church, "See those two men standing by the door? They're Hushers." 6. My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo while I asked, "No, how are we alike?" "You're both old," he replied. 7. I was teaching my 3 year old daughter The Lord's Prayer. For several evenings at bedtime, she would repeat the lines after me. Finally, she decided to go solo. "Lead us not into temptation," she prayed, "but deliver us some E-mail. Amen." 8. A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin and Ryan. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait." Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus." 9. A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was. Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, "Thou shall not take the covers off the neighbor's wife."
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