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Enron Economics Capitalism:
Economics - You Have Two Cows PHILOSOPHICAL DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor. LIBERAL DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous. REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what? SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. FASCIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage. DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government. CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull and build a herd of cows. BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain. AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead. FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are an eleventh the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves. ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch. RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka. MEXICAN CORPORATION: You think you have two cows, but you're not sure where they are. You'll look for them tomorrow. SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows, none of which belongs to you. You charge for storing them for others. BRAZILIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy. INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them. TALIBAN ORGANIZATION: You have two cows. You load them up with explosives and herd them onto your neighbor's property where you blow them up. Your neighbor dies. You starve to death. Charity for Enron Top Management Dear kindhearted friends... Now that the holiday season has passed, please look into your heart to help those in need. Enron executives in our very own country are living at or just below the seven-figure salary level...right here in the land of plenty. And, as if that weren't bad enough, they will be deprived of it as a result of the bankruptcy and current SEC investigation. But now, you can help! For only $20,835 a month, about $694.50 a day (that's less than the cost of a large screen projection TV) you can help an Enron executive remain economically viable during his time of need. This contribution by no means solves the problem, as it barely covers their per diem, ...but it's a start! Almost $700 may not seem like a lot of money to you, but to an Enron exec it could mean the difference between a vacation spent kissing ass in DC, golfing in Florida or a Mediterranean cruise. For you, seven hundred dollars is nothing more than rent, a car note or mortgage payments. But to an Enron exec $700 will almost replace his per diem. Your commitment of less than $700 a day will enable an Enron exec to buy that home entertainment center, trade in the year-old Lexus for a new Ferrari, or enjoy a weekend in Rio. HOW WILL I KNOW I'M HELPING? Each month, you will receive a complete financial report on the exec you sponsor. Detailed information about his stocks, bonds, 401(k), real estate, and other investment holdings will be mailed to your home. You'll also get information on how he plans to invest his golden parachute. Imagine the joy as you watch your executive's portfolio double or triple! Plus upon signing up for this program, you will receive a photo of the exec unsigned (for a signed photo, please include an additional $50.00). Put the photo on your refrigerator to remind you of other peoples' suffering. HOW WILL HE KNOW I'M HELPING? Your Enron exec will be told that he has a SPECIAL FRIEND who just wants to help in a time of need. Although the exec won't know your name, he will be able to make collect calls to your home via a special operator just in case additional funds are needed for unexpected expenses. YES, I WANT TO HELP! I would like to sponsor an Enron executive. My preference is checked below: [ ] Mid-level Manager [ ] Director [ ] Vice President (Higher cost; please specify which department) [ ] President (Even higher cost; please specify which department) [ ] CEO (Contribution:: Average Enron janitor monthly salary x 700) [ ] Entire Company [ ] I'll sponsor an Exec most in need. Please select one for me. Send your application and contribution to: Help for the Victims of Enron Washington D.C. or call 1-800-fleece me. (humor enron worldcom corruption corporate execs economics democracy capitalism communism american bankruptcy bull capitalism charge company contribution corporation country cows)
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